3 years ago today

This day 3 years ago I was blessed to bring home my wonderful son.  I can hardly believe that it has been 3 years already.  He has brought so much joy to our house.  He has made me laugh and made me smile more times than I could possibly remember. 

Before Little D I only knew what girls were like.  I have learn so much about the male brain in the past 3 years.  This is not something bad it is definitely something good.  Watching a boy allows you to see how the male brain works.  He is so smart and full of energy.  He already knows what to say so as to not get in as much trouble with his mom and sister. 

3 years and 5 weeks ago life was not this happy.  I was told after 8 months that D would not be coming home with me.  I had no idea how my life would look.  I was leaving a hospital and having to leave my son behind.  I could not understand why God would give me such a great gift and in minutes take it away.  I left the hospital that night crushed, broken, and very confused. 

God asked me to do some very hard things for 5 weeks after his birth.  I did not do all of them with a grateful heart but I was obedient.  Sometime this obedience did not come immediately but it did come.  The last thing was the hardest but I did it.  I had to convince my husband that it was the right thing.  He did as I asked but did not agree with what I was asking.  I explained to him that this was something God was telling me to do. 

It was at this time that I had David go down below our house and get all the stuff we had purchase for our son.  I than packed up all the stuff gave it to someone to give to D's Bio mom.  I stuck a note in the bag letting her know that I loved her and that I had always wanted the best for her.  I explained that I hoped one day she would come to know the love of Christ.  There is were I left it.  I did not even know what his name was or how much he weighted or how tall he was.  It hurt everyday and everyday I felt my Savior close as He helped me heal.  

5 weeks later I received a call asking the question "did I mean what I said in the letter"?  I thought that this was going to be where God was going to have me lead the person who had hurt me the worst 5 weeks ago to Christ.  I can remember thinking why me?  I know that this is not the most spiritual thing I have ever thought but I was still grieving.  The question was not about Christ this time but was about my son.  He would have been my son until the day I died.  She was asking me to please come and get him. 

There are many details that I will not talk about here on this blog because if my son ever reads this blog I want him to know that a mom gave birth to him on March 28th 2004 and that she loved him so much that she allowed me to be his mom on May 8th, 2004.  She gave me the greatest gift she could possibly had given me and to D.  I know that what she did was hard but a few days ago I received a note from her saying:

"I've never really told you how trully blessed I feel that Darius and Cynthia have you for a mother.  You love them sooo much. You are the one that was meant for them. You were the mom they deserved to have and I'm so proud to say that I dont have any at all regretts in the decision but happiness. Thank you so much for being the best mother to them and the ___________ to me I love you so much Monica if it wasnt for you i trully would be lost. I love you, _____________."

I can't tell you how much this email meant to me.  I always wanted what was best for everyone this included her.  I still want what's best for everyone especially my son but to know that she is doing ok means the world to me.   

3 years ago I got a great gift and I will live everyday grateful for that gift.  I love you D with all my heart and "J" I will forever have a special place for you... ALWAYS and FOREVER.