Saturday, June 20, 2009

Nervous Break Down

Well, I have officially started having a nervous break down.

Lakeisha left for California today and will not come home until late July early August...I can not believe I agreed to that.

Jelissa is moving out July 1st to her very own place. I honestly believed she would be the kid I would have had to kick out of the house. She and I have been joined at the hip since her birth. It will seem like a piece of me is leaving. Oh wait a piece of me is leaving. I'm excited for her but will miss her lots. She is my oldest but still my baby girl. She has grown up and I have grown up with her. I was only 19 when I had them and had no clue what I was doing. With Jelissa and I being a lot alike we've butted heads a lot and I have read lots of books to help me along. I am excited to see what the next chapter of our lives will be. Watching our relationship turn from being the one telling her how and when to do things to watching her make her own decisions. I pray God will continue to give me patience as I learn to watch as sometime my baby girl falls and I can't just step in and fix it.

Kristie has decided to go to Ozark Christian College. She will be leaving the 2nd week in August. I will watch the happiest child I know leave my home and embark on the great adventure of college. Although I will be sad I feel the most at peace about this decision. I am watching her turn from a little girl into an incredible women. I have noticed that the decisions she is making are very thought out and she seeks the Lords instruction on them. I'm very proud of her but will miss her more than she will ever know.

My new normal is "Change". I have never been very good at change. I still am not. I am learning day by day. There are moments where I have to will myself to keep going and not sit and cry all day, and then there are days like today when I burst into tear at the very thought of my new normal. I keep telling myself that this change is good. It is what I have been preparing my kids for, for 18 years. I know that in order to grow I need to change...I can't stay still, I must keep moving, but today is a day that I will not go very far. Today is a day that I will cry most of the day. Today is the day that I look back and remember my girls as little girls and not women. Today I don't like the new normal, but tomorrow is a new day. Thank you Lord for new days. Thank you for always helping me though.

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