5 things I'm glad I Know

Here is a list of things I'm glad I realize...some have taken me longer to get

1. Love is a choice not just a feeling. 

(I forget this sometimes)

2. God can do what seems impossible.

I'm so glad for this because I've been known to put God in a my box and I'm so glad that He is much bigger than my box.  He is the creator of Heaven and Earth.  I serve a BIG God!!!!


3. Never do for a child what they can do for themselves.

Still forget this one :O


4. Feed your husband before you talk to him about important decisions.  

(Don't hit him up with all that has happened as soon as he walks through the door.  It's better to let him unwind a little.)


5. If two people are exactly alike than one of them is not needed. In other words, being different is a good thing.

David and I love a lot of the same things but we are very different....We compliment each other well.  

Monday Menandering- My week at a glance

Bible Study - Beth Moore-Psalms of Ascent


Memory Verse - Phil 2:5
"Your attitude should be the same that Christ Jesus had."

Husband Encouragement

* Continue to get his stuff ready for the next day

* Set aside some alone time for us.

* Be supportive about how long and how much he has to be a work.


Train Them Up

* start some regular bible time with the kids
* plan an an outing for them (Thursday)
*Keep working with "C" about yelling
*Keep working with "D" with potty training and obey the 1st time told something

Personal Goals

* Get up before kids.

* Stay up with my Beth Moore Study

New Habit of the Month

* Continue to follow the new list of "things to do before"

Zone - kitchen

Menu

M - steaks, grilled potatoes, veggie

T - Beef Chimichangas (did not make these last week), chips and salsa

W - Tuna sandwiches, pickles, chips

Th - chicken tortilla soup,

F - Pizza

Saturday- Taco chicken Salad

Sunday- Chili Dogs, fresh fruit

FUN Things

* I'm planning on going out with some lady friends this week, girls night out.  Looking forward to that. 

3 things I'm thankful for today: It has been a very hard week for me.  I am very thankful for a great husband and great friends
1.  My husband- he has just been amazing
2.  Nickole- brought me a miracle shake this week :)
3.  Bethanne- many good phone calls and checking up on me

It's goooooooddddd!!

I had the chance to watch Bruce Almighty again a couple of night ago and like the first time it makes me laugh so hard at parts.  One of the things Bruce says often is "that is good", however he draws out the word good, a lot. 

As I was getting my kids ready for bed tonight I begin to think about my life and different things that have happen the pass couple day.  I was rubbing Darius with lotion and like normal the kid was cracking me up.  Both the little kids are not feeling well so my man had to say home from church with them.  When I can home he had all the laundry done and our messy room clean.  Kristie came home this weekend and spent some well needed time with her twin, which blessed my heart tremendously.  Keisha, is learning everyday that life gets more and more complicated the older you get and  Jelissa is learning how to balance her time between what she wants to do and what she needs to do. 

As I was getting the kids ready for bed all I could think about is my life is "gggooooooddd", very good.  God has blessed me, until my cup runnith over with pure joy, to be his child. 

No David and I are not taken the cruise we talked about taking once our kids were out of the house, and graduated, because our cup is still over flowing.  Cynthia and Darius are a blessing I would never had thought possible, but my God knew it. 

He changed my plans and boy am I glad He did. 

Life is "GGGOoOoOoDDD"

God has great timing

We have been in this house for over 7 years and have had the same neighbors the whole time.  We have never known any of them, for what I believed was good reasons.  We wave say hi during the summer and that was about it.  Well, God had been telling me that we needed to get out of our comfort zone and meet some of our neighbors.  What better way to get to know your neighbors than a yard sale.  One thing lead to another and we got the opportunity to invite our next door neighbors over to night for dinner.  

Tiffany looks to be about 20, and Joe around 25.  They have one daughter Cynthia's age and a little boy due August 1st.  They live with his mother who we have meet a few times.  

I decided after meeting Tiffany a week ago that we needed to get to know them.  So on Tuesday I saw them getting out of their truck and I waved to them and then went over and invited them to dinner Saturday night.  Lakeisha and David were standing by our van when I went back over and told them that the neighbors were coming over at 5:30 on Saturday. 

Keisha is so funny, she says I didn't think they would say yes.  

Well, they did and the rest is history.  I was able to get a few things together of Darius' for her new baby coming and we had a great time.  Yes David and I are old.  Yes David is old enough to be there dad, but we had a great time.  

We laughed, we told stories, we enjoyed each others company, and we planned a yard sale.

As I sit here and write this blog it's amazing how God works.  He just wants us to listen to him and He will do the rest.  We found out that Joe's mom is getting ready to move to Mississippi and they will be living in the house soon all by themselves.  By July they will not have any family here and they are expecting their second baby.  

God's timing is so good.  I feel God has connected us with these 2 young people for a reason.  If it is only to plant a seed in their lives I'm so glad He is using us to do it.  

 Please lift Joe, Tiffany, Alexis, and their unborn son  up in your prayers as they begin this new life without his mom and on their own.     

Ramblings of a Mom

Many of us had wonderful fathers as an example of what we might look for in our husbands.  That is not me.  My dad knew nothing about being a dad and less about what it took to be a husband.  Even after 38 years that is one of those things that I always wanted...an earthly father, a God fearing earthly father.  

Well, my dad passed away 2 years this coming November, and boy that has been harder on me than I could have ever imagined.  It really hits hard when someone dies and you are not sure where they are spending eternity.  I have my ideas but I can't allow my mind to wonder there to often, it's very painful.   

I believe my dad loved me it was just in this weird way that only he really understood.  

As a mother I think about how much I really love my kids.  They are so very important to me.  I want their lives to be different from mine.  I want them to know that their mom and their dad love them with everything we have and are.  

This leads me to a new thought.  As a mom I try and say and convey my love to my children everyday, because I feel this is so important.  I want them to know that I love them no matter what, even when they make mistakes.  

As I think about my father and I think about our relationship it has brought something to my mind....

Just how important it is for a father to have a deep relationship with his daughter.  

This does not mean that Mom can just sit back and leave all the nurturing to the dad but that when a girl grows up it is the relationship with her father that will help her with major decisions in her life like....picking a husband.   

Your mate can be a huge determining factor in life.  We all want our girls to grown up and marry men who love them, protect them, a man who is the head of his family like Christ is the Church.  Picking the guy is big...

Picking the guy I believe starts at home with the relationship between a father and his daughter.  

I could blog all day on this one, I have 3 girls who will all be looking for mate in years to come.  Please don't misunderstand me as a mother we have just as much responsibilities.

As a women who has made my choice of big mistakes I want to encourage moms and dads to leave a legacy for our kids.  A legacy that they will carry on to our grandchildren and their children.  Remember that without Christ we can do nothing.  Remember to share your faith with your kids.  Remember to share Christ from the rising of the sun to its going down.  

Every choice we make is important.  

What do you think?  What are you doing to leave a legacy for your kids?  Have you had to break cycles in your family to ensure you leave different legacies for your children?  

Go away!!!

I thought that I heard and saw somewhere that it was summer.  Well, apparently my kiddos did not get the memo that sickness is suppose to take a break. 

Not in our house.  In fact every kid who lives here is sick.  Cynthia started us out and then Keisha got it and yesterday Darius joined the elite group. 

They have runny noses, horrible coughs, fevers ranging from 101.5 to 102.4, and lets not forget the exciting diapers I'm getting to change :(

So, I get to sit on the couch with 2 very cranky kids, did I mention cranky kids,  and watch Barney Yeah....(not) 

Go away sickness!!!

                                                                                                                                                                                         

Cynthia is watching TV.  Her nose has been wiped so much that it hurts every time we wipe it now.  Poor baby.   

Darius with his Dog pillow. 

Ok, no one tell Keisha that I took this picture of her while she was sleeping.  She has been really sick for 2 days now.  She was suppose to be going to Como with a friend but is not going to be able to go tommorow.  She is scheduled to go Sunday, to Como, for a week so I hope she is better by than. 

My week at a glance

Bible Study: Still going through "already gone" great book but very sad... I'm still needing to get the Beth Moore study prepared before its time to lead it.

Memory Verse:  Phil 2:5 this is going to end up being a new life verse since I can't seem to keep my attitude right.

Husband Encouragement
1st thing I need to say is my husband rocks.  He brings me so much joy.  I am so blessed to be spending this life with that man.  So with that said..
*  I want to remember to be my husbands #1 cheerleader- he's great so this should be easy but I forget to tell him as often as he deserves.
*  Remember to always hug and kiss him when he gets home--I need to remember this week to stop what I'm doing and go to him, instead of him finding me when he gets home.  I make the kids do this but I'm generally am trying to fix dinner and I don't stop.
*  Stop this week several times and give him long hugs---he loves this and it shows him that he is the most important thing to me on this earth.

Training them up
Darius: I need to stay consistant with him.  I also want to play more table games with him, he is learning patience from playing

Cynthia: She is in the yelling stage and it's driving me crazy.  I need to stay on her about it.  I need to stay consistant.  (See a theme here)


Personal Goal
*Set some time aside for a cup of tea and a good book
*Keep up with my current schedule-even if I'm so tierd by bed
*Set aside some more time to blog- I'm really not use to the new schedule so I have just been so tierd every night that after I complete my list of things to do before I go to bed, I'm just crashing.
*Plan a cheap date night for me and my prince charming


Habit of the Month Same as last week

Zone - our bedroom- I keep up with every room in the house and leave our room for last.  Well, I have alway been told and have tried to keep our room our sanctuary but lately it is in need of a makeover.  This week I need to get our room together.

Menu
M -Pepper Steak, Brown rice and homemade tortillas

T - Beans and Ham, Cornbread

W - Chicken Pot Pie

Th - Tilapia fish, Sweet Potatoes, veggie

F - Personal Pizza's (I might look into this pizza on the grill thing sounds fun)
I have decided to make Friday my baking day so we will see if it gets done :)

S - hotdogs, corn on the cob, and grilled potatoes

Sunday- something in the crockpot before I leave for church


FUN Things
I need to get out and do somethings with my kids.  Park time, library time, it does no matter I just need to play with them

3 things I'm thankful for today:

1. My Family
2. My job
3. My health- go to the doctor on Wednesday for my post surgery appointment...hoping to get a clean bill of health.
4.  I'm also thankful for the blog "In light of truth" for helping me organize my thoughts each week.

Weekly Plan

Accountability has to start somewhere, so where better than online.  I have no idea who really reads anything I post but when I do post about something I'm going to do or try I feel accountable.  One reason is because I know that my 3 girls and my husband are reading (by the way I love the 4 of you more than the moon and back :) 

So here is goes.  Things I will be working on this week, and if you are reading this please pray for follow through I will need it.

BIBLE STUDY: I am currently reading a book called "already gone" and I would like to finish it.  I also have to get all the plans ready for the upcoming Beth Moore Study.  I'm very excited about it.  Love doing Beth Moore in the Summer!!



MEMORY VERSE:  Phil. 2:14 Do everything without arguing and complaining.
I need to learn this and model this for my children who are watching me.  Lately these two things have been hard for me.  I find myself complaining and not praising God for all my current circumstances.  This will be hard for me. 


HUSBAND ENCOURAGEMENT: I tell my husband all the time I love him and how much he means to me, but I need to be more specific.  He is an incredible man and he works very hard to provide for our family.  I want to be more encouraging to him in this area.  I want to tell him daily how much I appreciate all that he does for our family.  He is a great provider!!

TRAINING THEM UP: 
Jelissa- Keep encouraging her in college endeavors and reminding her to not stop looking for scholarships.
Kristie-Not here this week, call her and encourage her
Keisha-Keep helping her stay focus on things she has coming up.  Encourage her to continue looking for scholarships.  Possibly let her drive some while I'm in the car, possibly, she need driving hours. Need to be encouraging.
Darius-need to stay focused with the potty training, need to stay on him about the wiening when he talks, first time listening
Cynthia- Constancy, throwing fits


PERSONAL GOALS:  1.  stick to my dinner menu  again this week (it made life so easy this past week) 2.  going back to work this week and I have set up a night time schedule for myself- I really want to stick to it. 
3.  Get back to my read through the bible in 90 days book.  (I started reading through the bible in 90 days before my surgery and have not return to it since.  I would like to get back to my routine in the mornings)
4.  No matter what is going on read to the kids before bed


NEW HABIT FOR THE MONTH:  Less yelling at the kids and more talking.  I really feel that I have gotten in a habit of yelling at the kids when they are being disobedient.  It is not changing their behavior so I need to change my approach.  Not sure exactly what I will be doing but its not yelling.  I want to work on that this month. 


MENU: Trying to not shop this week but instead use mainly what I already have around

Monday: We Grilled at friends house tonight- everything was wonderful

Tuesday: Leftovers- We have grilled all weekend and we have lots of stuff in the refrigerator, its clean up time.

Wednesday:  Chicken Noodle Soup and Mash potatoes (yes I know its summer but I have potatoes to use up, and the grandma noodles in the freezer)

Thursday:  Fiesta (thanks for this weird food combo Kristen we love it now)

Friday: Roast-crock pot night (going to a conference no time to cook for kids)

Saturday: BBQ sandwiches

Sunday: Grill


3 THINGS I'M THANKFUL FOR:
1.  My wonderful husband
2.  The freedom I have here in the USA
3. For my kids who bring more joy than they will ever know

That's all folks.  Lets see how I do.

To Love Their Husband-Tuesday

So here it is Tuesday and I'm needing to post ways in which I went over and beyond loving my husband.  It is now almost 1pm Tuesday, and I have been thinking of ways I have loved on my husband this week. 

This is exactly why I started this.  I want to always look back and be able to see ways in which I have treated my husband the way he deserves.

So with that said.....heres what I've got, which is not much. 

  David never asks for stuff and never expects certain things to be done so its hard to figure out what he really really wants verses what he likes done but it really does not matter one way or another. ((confussing huh... YEP))

One thing that I always try to do is to fix my husbands plate for him when we are at gatherings, parties, or just having people over.  I want him know that even though there are a lot of people around and I get caught up in talking, entertaining, or whatever else, that he is still my first priority.  We had a very busy week with Keisha graduating and having her party.  After the graduation we had a house full of people and I was extremely tierd, already.  Before sitting down or fixing my plate I put a plate together for David.  

  I know what your thinking... 

I'm the Queen of the small stuff.

  Yep I am. 

I'm generally good at the big stuff it's the little things that I sometimes forget.  It's the everyday things that I want to never forget to do.  

On Sunday after going to a baby shower I decided to come home and take my husband out for a couple of hours.  It was just the two of us and we were able to talk about events like the graduation and things that happened that day.  We needed that special time just the two of us. 

I'm glad that David is such an easy going guy.  He is not picky about what he eats, he just likes something to eat.  He does not care about things out of place when he gets home, he just wants to know if we had a good day.  He is the perfect husband.  Even on those days when marriage is hard there is not one other person I would like to be going through the good and the bad days with. 

Thanks David for being you.  I love you.

Menu Plan Monday

Generally the Livingston's have for dinner whatever I think of right before its time to cook it.  This causes our grocery store bill to always be more than it needs to be.  I have sat down today and put a menu together.  I want to start putting a menu together so that I can cut down on our grocery bill and have our meals more organized.  

I love cooking for my family.  I love providing home cook meals for my family.  I love making thing from scratch, but most of all I love that it makes my husband happy.  He really does enjoy the small things in life....

Here is my menu for the week.  I don't promise to  stick to the exact day I'm cooking each meal but I will cook these meals this week.  

Monday: Fish Tacos, salsa, Guacamole, and chips

Tuesday: Potato Soup, and homemade French Bread

Wednesday: Chicken Tetrazzini, salad

Thursday: Southwestern Chicken Salad 

Friday:  Sourdough pizza, bread sticks

Saturday:  Mini Hamburgers, sweet potato fries, grilled veggies

Sunday:  Crock pot Meal

(I do plan to have some baking time this week.  I will bake my bread and any other bake goods we need for the week) 

To Love Their Husband Tuesday's-The Small Stuff

I have been following  Lauren's blog "Living by Faith" for a about a month now.  She recently started "To Love Their Husbands Tuesdays". 

She encouraged women to blog on Tuesday about ways they made a conscience effort to Love on their husbands the following week.  

Now if you know me at all you know that I love David with all my heart and try to show him everyday.  Wel,l the challenge was to STEP IT UP A NOTCH.  I love a challenge so here I go....

I am going to try and step it up.  My plan is to post on Tuesday's ways that I loved on my husband during the week, the good and the bad weeks.  It's encouraging for me to read about ways you love, encourage and support your husbands so please be sure to comment.   

In the book of Titus 2:4 we are told to "Love our Husbands" and this is something I want to be really good at.  

In the begining....

So this has been a difficult week to do anything extra or even the normal things I do for David.  With today begin 2 weeks since the surgery I'm still not feeling very good.  I have found myself doing more complaining than I would like. (This is something I'm going to work on this week)  Since I'm not even able to cook for the family it has been difficult to step any thing up, since every step I'm taking now hurts :)

Anyway, the one thing I've been doing is when David is sitting or laying next to me in the bed I make sure to hold his hand or snuggle, as much as I can with him.  I know, I know holding hands is all I got.  Yep.  That's it.  At first I was not going to even post this Tuesday but then it hit me.... 

Even when I don't want to or in this case can't do much to show my husband how much he means to me the small things matter a lot.  I love my husband and we have a great marriage but sometimes in the middle of life we forget about all the little things he likes.  David's love language is touch so I made an effort to touch him, even if it was just holding his hand.  

 

My daughter

I just wanted to tell you about my oldest daughter.  I don't brag on her enough.  My baby girl Jelissa Ann is an amazing young lady.  She has had a difficult year but has come out with her head held high and her eyes fixed on Jesus. 

I'm extremely proud of her.  She is such a hard worker.  She has worked at safeway for several years now and is known by her employees as a hard worker and someone who gets her work done and will help you out when she can.

Jelissa has been a mommas girls for the past 19 years.  She has stayed close to home even when she moved out.  She is always available when I need her and is always willing to take her brother to the zoo on her days off.  

Don't tell Kristie but I think Jelissa has moved into the favorite sister position.  (remember don't tell)

Jelissa is a very sweet girl who is looking forward to going to college in August.  I'm very proud of her.  I believe she is still going to Lincoln but who knows, she is flying to Joplin on Wednesday and Kristie has been trying to get her to go there for the past year.  Kristie is very sneaky so I'm sure she has something up her sleeve.  

I will miss my baby girl but she is growing up and moving on, away from mom.  I know that God has great things in store for her is she continues to listen and follow after him.

I love you Jelissa, don't ever forget that.   

Being thankful for the little things

I think that being laid up for the past few weeks, 2 weeks Tuesday, has made me think about all the little things that I'm struggling to do right now but that I do with little effort when I'm 100%.  I'm beginning to see more and more things that I simply overlook other days.  Here are a few things:

• Being able to pick up my little girl and hold her and kiss her
• Being able to spank Darius when he is being naughty :)
• Being able to take a bath not just showers
• Being able to stand up in the shower long enough to wash my entire body by myself
• Go to the store or in the car or just outside for awhile
• Stay awake long than 4 hours (I just made it to 4 hours without going back to bed)
• Being able to sleep through the night with out pain medication
• Read a book and remember what I read (medication is good but not for memory)
• Be able to have Darius sit in my lap so I can love on him or read him a book
• Snuggling with my husband (enough said)

I am feeling better and can see small inprovements everyday.  They are just smaller steps than I would like.  I really want to be able to do everyday things for myself. 

 I miss going to church today, being 2nd Sunday I missed.  I miss work and the crazy people I see everyday.  I'm definitely an extroverted person and I thrive on people. 

In otherwards, I miss my people :)

Not a normal post

***Attention***Complaining***Below***

"If you don't want to hear me complain don't read move on to another blog"

As I sit in my bed another day able to get up very little and when I do, I move from my room into the living room to sit into my recliner chair.  I have been struggling with not being able to get up and do more.  I have a hard time holding either one of the little kids which makes them want to climb on me even more.  It will be a week tomorrow evening  that I had the surgery.   Time is a good thing right now, because it indicates that healing is occurring.  Yeah!!

David's mom is leaving on Wednesday morning and this has began to cause me some concern.  She has been handling all the goings and comings of the house and she will be extremely missed.  We have been receiving meals since Thursday from friends in the church, this has been a great blessing. Interesting enough though except for those bring meal I have not seen or heard from many people.  There are a few people that I'm close with who have not even called.  I realize that people are busy but you wonder how busy one can be that they can not pick up a phone.  Yes today is my day.  Today is the day when finally I don't want to be the one who looks at things and acts like they don't matter, because they do.  Will I ever say anything...No but that does not mean that it does not matter.

It makes me wonder about relationships.  How deep are the relationships that I have?  Are we "friends" or "family" just because I see you several times a week, or because we attend church together, or because our kids are friends.  I am finding out that time does not equal closeness.  Just because we hug and smile at each other does not make us close. 

Whose fault is this? 

I'm sure a lot is mine.  I need to remember that friendship requires time.  Do I invest time into people or activities? Are activities more important than people?  I want to reevaluate my friendships.  Its definitely ok to just have a few friend but I need to make sure that those people who I want to invest time in me..I must make sure to invest time in them.  That's real friendship, that's what it's really all about..

So just for the record it is ok to have people in your life that you care about but are not close with.  I have lots of people that I love and care about but are not who I would consider close friends, someone I would say anything to...those people are far and  few.  I just want to know that in this life that there are people who will walk with me, people who do more than talk the talk but walk the walk. 

Friendship requires time and effort and I hope that I am the type of friend who is good at giving both to my friends. 

Ranting and complaining is done!!

Sunday-Mother's Day

Today has been a great day, and very hard day.  I felt as if I did not get to experience everything I would have liked to due to not feeling well.  I spent most of my day in bed getting up to eat and a few other minor things.  I got up early and my oldest daughter came home and fixed breakfast for me.  My children had me open up all my presents before they went to church.  I always love Mother's Day because it's a day set aside where I get acknowledgement for the one job I put the most work into.  I love being a mom and it makes me feel good to have my children tell me that they realize how much they mean to me and how much I love them. 

Sounds weird??  Not to me.  I have things that make me happy and then there are things that make me really really happy.  Those things that make me really happy are 1) doing what is pleasing to My God 2) being a good wife to my husband and 3)being a good mother to my 5 children.  Yes those are the things that I put the most time and effort into.  I pray that everyday I get better at the things that give me the most pleasure. 

I long to hear several words in my life.... "her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her" and.... "well done good and faithful servant".    

3 years ago today

This day 3 years ago I was blessed to bring home my wonderful son.  I can hardly believe that it has been 3 years already.  He has brought so much joy to our house.  He has made me laugh and made me smile more times than I could possibly remember. 

Before Little D I only knew what girls were like.  I have learn so much about the male brain in the past 3 years.  This is not something bad it is definitely something good.  Watching a boy allows you to see how the male brain works.  He is so smart and full of energy.  He already knows what to say so as to not get in as much trouble with his mom and sister. 

3 years and 5 weeks ago life was not this happy.  I was told after 8 months that D would not be coming home with me.  I had no idea how my life would look.  I was leaving a hospital and having to leave my son behind.  I could not understand why God would give me such a great gift and in minutes take it away.  I left the hospital that night crushed, broken, and very confused. 

God asked me to do some very hard things for 5 weeks after his birth.  I did not do all of them with a grateful heart but I was obedient.  Sometime this obedience did not come immediately but it did come.  The last thing was the hardest but I did it.  I had to convince my husband that it was the right thing.  He did as I asked but did not agree with what I was asking.  I explained to him that this was something God was telling me to do. 

It was at this time that I had David go down below our house and get all the stuff we had purchase for our son.  I than packed up all the stuff gave it to someone to give to D's Bio mom.  I stuck a note in the bag letting her know that I loved her and that I had always wanted the best for her.  I explained that I hoped one day she would come to know the love of Christ.  There is were I left it.  I did not even know what his name was or how much he weighted or how tall he was.  It hurt everyday and everyday I felt my Savior close as He helped me heal.  

5 weeks later I received a call asking the question "did I mean what I said in the letter"?  I thought that this was going to be where God was going to have me lead the person who had hurt me the worst 5 weeks ago to Christ.  I can remember thinking why me?  I know that this is not the most spiritual thing I have ever thought but I was still grieving.  The question was not about Christ this time but was about my son.  He would have been my son until the day I died.  She was asking me to please come and get him. 

There are many details that I will not talk about here on this blog because if my son ever reads this blog I want him to know that a mom gave birth to him on March 28th 2004 and that she loved him so much that she allowed me to be his mom on May 8th, 2004.  She gave me the greatest gift she could possibly had given me and to D.  I know that what she did was hard but a few days ago I received a note from her saying:

"I've never really told you how trully blessed I feel that Darius and Cynthia have you for a mother.  You love them sooo much. You are the one that was meant for them. You were the mom they deserved to have and I'm so proud to say that I dont have any at all regretts in the decision but happiness. Thank you so much for being the best mother to them and the ___________ to me I love you so much Monica if it wasnt for you i trully would be lost. I love you, _____________."

I can't tell you how much this email meant to me.  I always wanted what was best for everyone this included her.  I still want what's best for everyone especially my son but to know that she is doing ok means the world to me.   

3 years ago I got a great gift and I will live everyday grateful for that gift.  I love you D with all my heart and "J" I will forever have a special place for you... ALWAYS and FOREVER.

Home Sweet Home/ Friday

At about 8am the doctor came into my hospital room and asked how I was feeling and if I wanted to go home today.  I did not care about how I was feeling but I knew that I wanted to go home.  I had been wanting to go home since yesterday.  I realize today that it was a good thing  I did not come home yesterday I really was not ready.  Although it was tough today was much better.

I had my staples taked out before I we went home.  They had to use some strips because there was a place that was no totally healed yet.  The nurse looked over at David and told him to watch closely so he could put the stripes on if he had to at home, David does a lot of things but I'm not sure he will be up to that.  :)

I am so glad to be home.  I'm looking forward to not being woke up every 2 hours for someone to take my blood presure and check to see if I went to the bathroom or not.  The only thing I wish I had was a bed that when I pushed a button would go up adn down.  It would make it so I did not stretch things that I don't want stretched.

Today I'm so thankful for so many things:

• that I have the best husband a women could ever ask for.  David has been so by myside every minute he could.  I am so blessed to have him
• that i have been able to not take as much percicet.  I don't like the medicain that makes me feel weird.  I have been able to take the Ibuprophen to manage my pain.  I'm so grateful that it is working so well for me
• I'm thankful that my mother-in-law is not the typical mother-in-law that many people joke about.  I'm so lucky to have her here with me to help me when I need it the most right now
• I'm thankful for another great meal provided by someone who cares for my famiy.  I did not want to ask for people to bring us meals because i hate for people to be inconvienced by me.  I'm so grateful that I'm letting people help us.  It is a blessing to see how people care. 
• I'm so grateful to have daughters that are willing to help out with the house and little kids.  Lakeisha has especially been such an extra help.  She know exactly how I like things and has made sure to keep those thing up and done.  I have the best girls ever.
• Most of all I'm thankful for my health.  Although I'm not feeling very well, I'm thankful that God has been watching over me and taking care of me during these past few days.  

Thursday Afternoon/Evening

So I'm making a great effort to not use this blog right now as a place to whine, complain, or tell you about all the things that are not working in my schedule.  The Doctor has informed me that I need to not expect things to run on a schedule right now.  Interesting thought but this lady has no idea how my schedule keeps me sane.  Anyway the good things of my day..

• My husband has been right by my side all day doing everything I need and more
• I was able to get up and walk around and felt good afterwards
• 4 of 5 of my kids came up to the hospital to visit me, and although they are out of their schedule and extremely whiney I enjoyed every minute with them
• A good friend came to visit me and brought with her some beautiful flower which I'm loving
• The same great friend from above also brought my family food and loved on my kids while she was there...that means so much to me
• I was able to put my own pj's on instead of a hospital gown

I am still in a lot of pain but I know that soon this will pass and I will be feeling better than I have in years.  I'm so ready to start feeling better but until than I will take it minute by minute until I can soon take it day by day. 

Thursday Morning

Well its been 2 days now since the surgery and I'm doing ok.  I am very tierd and my blood presure is not returning to normal like it should.  The medicain they are giving me makes me feel out of it.  I want to take as little of it as I can but the pain is so much that I end up giving in. 

My husband has been a rock, I expected nothing less. He has slept very little and has been by my side holding my hand since I came out of recovery.   I finally sent him home for a couple of hours today to allow our children to see him. 

 I have been on oxygen since I woke up to help with the dizzyness.  My hope is to go home today, but that will depend on the bood presure stuff. 

I miss my kids and I miss walking normal.  I hope to get home soon and I continue my healing there. 

Surgery Tomorrow

 Well, I'm having surgery tomorrow and I'm a lot anxious.  I'm praying for surgery to be fast and recovery to be quick but we will have to see.  I will keep you up to date with the recovery process if I can.  

So for now I'm going to snuggle with my best friend, love of my life, husband and enjoy the rest of my night. :)